Growing old gracefully

"Guard your tongue in youth,
and in age you may mature a thought

that will be of service to your people."

 - Minquass

The Native Americans placed a huge amount of respect and importance in their Elders. They believed their Elders held the answers, and that there was much to learn from them. Their Elders kept their culture alive. 

In my earlier post, Rites of Passage, I touched on the subject of those who avoid growing up, and strive to stay young for as long as possible. The idea of growing up seems to create a huge amount of resistance in some. Fear of the unknown is undoubtedly a major factor, but what is it that makes some so scared of growing old and growing up? 

Inevitably, as we grow older we recognise our own mortality more and more. Understandably, death can be a frightening thought. Although, it is interesting to note that many who have faced it and been brought back to life, have reported a feeling of tranquility and acceptance.

When it comes to growing up, it seems that the common theme is a fear that it somehow makes you boring! That one must dress frumpily and lose their spontaneity and zest for life. 

"Growing old is inevitable, growing up is optional" seems to reiterate this idea. 

But where did this idea come from?

I wonder if it began with the advent of the teenager in the Fifties. Until then there had been no definition for this hormonally challenging time in a person's life. Children were smaller versions of their parents, and were expected to follow in their footsteps into adulthood. After the war, expectations began to change and teenagers found themselves with more independence and a new found freedom. Popular music and clothing helped to create this division between teenagers and adults. Since then, teenagers have long looked for a way to differentiate themselves from their parents and create their own identity.

These days, people seem to stay younger for longer. 30 is the new 21, and 40 is the new 30, etc, etc. As a society, we are continually looking for ways to make ourselves remain young. Be it beauty products, the way we dress, the music we listen to. 

But what does it actually mean to be a grown up? Is it not possible to retain your inner child, and release it from time to time?

In the film "Lars & The Real Girl", Lars suffers from delusions, and believes a blow-up doll is his real life girlfriend. The film is a touching and comical look at how he works through his condition, and how the community pull together to support him. An underlying theme and turning point of the film, is his struggle to become an adult. He goes to his older brother for advice:

LARS: "How did you know that you were a man?....."

GUS: "It's not like you're all one thing  or the other, you're still a kid inside. You grow up when you decide to do right; and not what's right for you, what's right for everybody. Even when it hurts."

LARS: "Ok. Like what?"

GUS: "Like you don't jerk people around. You don't cheat on your woman. You take care of your family. You admit when you are wrong, or you try to anyways."

Many countries still celebrate this momentous rite of passage with ceremonies and rituals. This was the Native American Indian boys ritual to manhood:

The Legend of the Indian youth's Rite of Passage

His father takes him into the forest, blindfolds him and leaves him alone.

He is required to sit on a stump the whole night and not remove the blindfold until the rays of the morning sun shine through it.

He cannot cry out for help to anyone. Once he survives the night, he is a MAN.

He cannot tell the other boys of this experience because each lad must come into manhood on his own.

The boy is naturally terrified. He can hear all kinds of noises. Wild beasts must surely be all around him. Maybe even some human might do him harm.

The wind blew the grass and earth, and shook his stump, but he sat stoically, never removing the blindfold.

It would be the only way he could become a man!

Finally, after a horrific night, the sun appeared and he removed his blindfold.

It was then that he discovered his father sitting on the stump next to him.

He had been at watch the entire night, protecting his son from harm.

In the past, 21 was considered the moment when one became an adult. The gift of a key represented the start of adult life. These days it seems there is a reluctance in a growing number of people to open the door and venture on to the 'other side'. It seems to me that we need to bring back some sort of initiation into adulthood, and support one another within the community.

How would it be if we began celebrating growing old as a positive and valued rite of passage? Replacing the resistance with acceptance. Respecting and valuing our Elders more.

I have a feeling we would be a lot happier and nicer to one another. Perhaps it would help to alleviate our fears as we see our own Elders more content with themselves. 

Doing right by yourself and by others certainly makes one feel happier. The responsibilities of life don't need to be  a burden, they are after all, what maketh the man.

If one can be a 'grown up' and  still be young at heart, maybe it might enable a greater understanding of the younger generation. In turn, perhaps we might get more respect from teenagers. Who knows they might start listening to their Elders more, asking questions to gain wisdom, knowledge and acceptance.

"Do not regret growing older.  

It is a privilege denied to many. " 

~Author Unknown