Memories in the attic

I am in the process of de-cluttering my flat and making space for my new life. My loft is stuffed with goodness knows what, from old fancy dress costumes to numerous fabrics and tins of paint.

Last week, with a friend and her daughter visiting, I got down the bag of toys saved for when children come to visit. At the bottom of the bag was a felt bag full of fabric dolls I had made over twenty years ago.

It had been a project for my mum's school, the dolls were all the characters from the Roger Red Hat books.

I spent hours, days, weeks & months stitching and creating each doll and making a bag of The Village with Three Corners. I was probably about fifteen when I made them, and so much teenage angst must have been poured into every stitch.

Twenty years on and as I looked through the torn and tattered dolls (covered in what could only be moth eggs) I realised it was time to throw them away. A week of avoiding the issue, and tonight I finally said goodbye.

So, in memory of the dolls, here they are in all their tatty glory:

Roger Red Hat & family

Billy Blue Hat & family

An old couple?

Sita & Ramu - weirdly, none of their eyes survived!

Percy Green Hat, don't know where his dad is...

Johnny Yellow Hat may well have lived with his Grandparents.
Sadly his twin sister Jennifer is nowhere to be seen.

It's strange how much we cling to things and find it difficult to throw them away. Even if they become a millstone around our necks, it can be hard to let go.

In the end, it wasn't actually as difficult as I had anticipated. It feels good to have photographs to remember them,  and even better to feel just that little bit lighter.

The Art of French Baking

I have been in desperate need of cheering myself up after a very long and demanding week. I thought I should take my own advice and do something for me. 

So what better way than with my new cookbook "The Art of French Baking". Macaroons & chocolate filled croquantes. Presentation needs working on, but they are delish!

Now for a nice cup of afternoon tea...

Fountain of Love

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." - Buddha

"Fountains of Love" - Cherished Memories

February is traditionally the month of love. We are in the depths of Winter and with the weather so cold outside, it is particularly important to nourish ourselves with both love and sustenance.

"Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world" - Lucille Ball

Loving yourself is to give yourself what you need and to allow others to give to you too. For many women, this is a struggle. So well practiced in looking after others and worrying about others needs, when it comes to themselves, they feel selfish and perhaps unworthy of love.

Rory Raye is a relationship coach, her blog at www.havetherelationshipyouwant.com has some great advice for women. One visualisation exercise she suggests is to imagine that you are a waterwheel:

Circle your hands towards you, imagine yourself receiving love and affection and bringing them to your own heart, circling down your body, coming up and giving back love and affection.

Now reverse this, and turn the wheel out from your heart, giving love and affection, coming up your body, and scooping out more love and affection.

Which feels better for you?

I instantly felt better receiving love, I could see that having love in the first place made it easy to then give some back. Reversing the wheel, I felt like I would run low on love, because there was nothing coming back for me.

As a fountain overflows because it is full, when our hearts are full of love, we overflow with love and happily give back to others. If there is nothing coming back for ourselves, the fountain will run dry and we will have nothing left to give.

Somewhere along the way, we have been sold the idea that being selfish is a bad thing. The reality is that there is nothing wrong with being selfish sometimes, especially when we need it. I don't mean disregarding everyone else in favour of ourselves all the time, but rather, taking some 'Me Time" when things get tough and we feel tired and low on energy. To be completely selfless all of the time can be very destructive, resentment can set in as we feel unappreciated. It is helpful to learn to recognise the signs that we have begun to give too much.

I know when I have been expending too much energy I find myself feeling tearful, or I become irritable and begin to blame others for their lack of attention to me. As soon as I hear myself say "they don't appreciate me", "I do so much for them, or "they are so ungrateful" these are my signals that I need to take some time out and give back to myself. Fill up my fountain, so that I can overflow once more and give when I have enough for myself.

What are your signs?

It might be helpful to consider:

"Giving myself away and being stingy are not my only options. I can share myself. Yet to share myself I have to have a self to share."

"Meditations For Women Who Do Too Much" - Anne Wilson Schaef

Throughout February, I will be exploring 'Me Time' in more depth and thinking about what  we can do to help ourselves feel better.